Last week my hubby decided to quit his job for some irrational reasons. I was really upset and yelled at him to express my anger. I couldn't accept it. I thought he's insane and selfish at the same time. He put me and my baby on jeopardy. I cursed him for that.
I realized that i was overeacted but i couldn't control myself either. All i felt was anger and anxious also insecure. Thinking about bills to pay, plans for my son's educational programme, our vacational schedule, truly blew my mind. From where i'd get the money to implement them all?! That's crazy.
Not mentioned my parents' reaction once they found out my hubby was a jobless really drove me mad. How could he put me on this kind of situation?! How could you do that to me? You even forgot your own son.
Those might sounded crazy but that's the fact. That's what i felt. Most of all, i feel fear and insecure due to this uncertainty. I wanted him to go back to work and never thought about resign.
After a while i started to calm down. I traced where these feelings came from. I hope once i got the root then it would help in getting rid-off them as soon as possible.
Now i realize my fear and insecure comes from my mom. I'm fear of losing hope and live pathetically. That's irrational but i couldn't help myself from let go. I need to detach and learn to accept what's going on in my life. Try to have more faith within me so that i can survive and not think of bad things.
C'est la vie....
Grogol, 15 April 2011
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