MOTIVATION

Dictionary says that motivation is the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way. While in psychological term motivation is defined as the process that initiates, guides and maintains goal-oriented behaviors. Speaking of which, lately I've been questioning about my own motive of choosing this path. Why did I choose to be like this, what drove me to made this decision, and why I ended like this. All stuff mixed up my mind and I tried my best to answer all of those questions.

At first, I must admit it was the stress at work that drove me to resign. The second was the need to nurture my beloved son. I wanted to be part of his early life development and captured every precious moments with him. The third, I felt bored and needed to detach from work. Yet, I realized I wasn't prepared enough financially. But my hubby stood behind my back so I had the gut to say good bye.

After a month playing the role as a full-time-mom I started to feel uncomfortable. I didn't enjoy doing housewife stuff as much as I enjoyed working. I felt powerless because of receiving money from my own hubby though I knew he gave it sincerely and that was my priviledge as a wife I shoud've thanked for. I knew those are irational thoughts but I couldn't get them out of my head. 

I decided to talk about this with someone I trust. Someone who knew me well and would help me to cope with this situation. Someone who wouldn't do unnecessary judgement or telling me what to do. So I dialed those numbers and spilled out all of my irational thought. I'm glad I made the right decision coz I finally had an insight. I should redefine the reasons why I choose this path. I should put my son as my main motive and ignore the rest. It will help me cope with the situation because it's a big leap and definitely takes time to adjust.

I guess it's time for me to practise what I preach. Gonna take my time and not push myself too hard. Learning to accept and be responsible for whatever decision I make in life.

2:30 AM

-rf-